usedshooshpap | 022 ♋ Video

022 ♋ Video

[ Karkat is literally surrounded when he flips on the Gear. poor guy is a little rattled, Pokemon kind of all over him. swablu, some dragons, his Espeon... but seriously. looks like he is about to hyperventilate over here. taking deep, slow breathes to help calm. ]

What the...

[ and then he loses it. ]

MIGHTY TAINT CHAFTING FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?

(( ooc note: it's been a whole year canon-wise for Karkat. he's going to be a little disoriented at first. ))

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[...that was new.

Well, he'll file that one away to try to work out later; there are more pressing matters, really.]

As much as I'm sure you're going to sarcastically thank me for the wisdom, or something along those lines, screaming at the situation isn't going to make it any clearer.

Are you safe for now, at least?

It wasn't that. I woke up to a bed full of beasts and that was the last thing I was expecting, you know?

Oh, I don't know. That's a bit standard in this place, I'd think.

[...Kimblee, not everyone sleeps with a bunch of fluffballs and their battle partner's cats in the bed, along with the battle partner. But okay, sure, you do that.]

I've been trying to AVOID anything with fur, wings, and tentacles for the last year.

The last year? What are you -

[...wow, look who was not aware of the canon-update coma, hang on]

[...oh. Oh.]

Sent home, then, were you?

Yeah. Now complexities about the meaning of life are thrown in with your typical teenage romance woes.

The meaning of life...in what way, if I might ask?

Paradox space doesn't have just ONE time line floating around in it. It has a fuck ton. However, there is only ONE alpha time line and the rest are doomed. They'll all die off at some point, but the alternate versions of my friends and myself, as well as other players in the Game, all thrive in dreambubbles of their own making after death.

I've met so many different alternates in the past year, I've started to wonder what's the fucking point. Some of them did everything that was "right." They didn't fuck up like we did and yet... Well they're the ones that die and we continue on. Why struggle to keep fighting against this shit if we're either fated to be the alpha time line or a doomed one? There's just no way to tell.

You continue to fight because there's no other alternative.

[His voice is calm when he replies, as is his expression; he had his own existential crisis years ago. He's accepted it now.]

Those "alternates" you've spoken to over the past year had an impact on you, whether their timeline was doomed or not. If you're from the alpha timeline, giving up the fight would be a disgrace to both yourself and all the alternates that you've met. If you aren't? Then there's still a chance that you have impacted the alpha timeline in some way.

There's a very large difference between being fated to die and having one's life be futile. You keep fighting to prevent the latter, despite the possibility of the former.

[ Karkat listens and okay... that's a fair point. he can deal with something like that. he's never thought about dreambubbles existing to make an impact on what could be an alpha time line or the like. but it IS true. the Mayor wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for that Feferi that had her godhood.

but... ]

But is death really something that's bad? If it means floating around in space forever, meeting up with other dead grubfuckers, then AGAIN: what's the real difference between living and being dead?

There's nothing wrong with accepting death; there isn't anything wrong with seeing it as being comparable with, or even preferable to, life. There's no shame in it; I believe that everyone has wondered what it would be like to die at least once in their lives - whether it would be better than the life they're living, whether they should embrace death because then there would be no more pain, whether it would be worth it to continue living despite knowing that their existence may not amount to very much. I would be surprised if there's someone who hasn't thought about this at least once.

In the end, however, the difference between the living and the dead is that the living have a chance to impact the world directly. They can change things, they can make them right or they can break them, and they can do this with their own hands. They can offer their lives to change the world because they have a life to offer. The dead can only effect the world by proxy - by hoping that they influence someone enough to carry on their work for them.

I accepted long ago that my life would be difficult; that if I walked my chosen path, my work would be thankless, and that while I still lived, the world would hate me for what I had done - and if I didn't succeed, I would likely be put to death for what I had attempted. Furthermore, I knew that whenever I was killed, it was extremely likely that I would die alone; there would be no one by my side because in all likelihood no one would know, and if they knew, no one would care. Embracing death would have been far easier than what I chose to do; furthermore, embracing death was an option at any given time.

But what I chose to do was something that would impact the world; I didn't care that it was a doomed existence, or that no one would know the full circumstances or the truth behind what I had done. I would know, and that made all the difference for me.

Whether that matters to you or not is your decision, but the fact remains that to choose death is to forfeit your ability to change the world. It's up to you whether that choice is worth it.

I never pegged you for that. At all.

I'm practically fucking speechless.

[................uh

well so is he now, what does he do with this]

How do you mean?

All deep and shit. I mean, it's actually something for me to think about as a real answer. No one else gave a flying fuck when I tried to talk about it.

...of course, Karkat. I do what I can.

One's mortality is a bit of a difficult topic, I think; it's not something that most like thinking about, and if they're in a position where they have to think about it, they don't particularly care to discuss it. I've always found it more comfortable to discuss such things and face it for what it is, but surprisingly few are the same way.

It's not comfortable at all to talk about this shit. I'm six and a half, dammit. It's just an important topic.

If not entirely comfortable, then at least moreso than the alternative. If it weren't, you wouldn't be interpreting someone giving you answers as them...ah, how did you word it? "Giving a flying fuck"?

[...ON TODAY'S EPISODE OF "PHRASES THAT SHOULD NEVER LEAVE KIMBLEE'S MOUTH"...]

I meant actually caring about giving me answers. Listening instead of just dismissing.

Are most you've spoken to completely dismissive of it, then?

They don't care that I care, I guess you could say. They even stopped humoring me.

Well, for the sake of reference, I suppose you could say I make a practice of providing answers to those who need them, particularly people I've known for some time.

[loosely translated from kimblese: you are totally one of my juniors now, there is no sense in arguing the point.

...also talk to me if you're having a crisis, i guess.]

Not that I'm not jumping up and down in perhaps joy, but why bother?

Well...

[That...is a very good question, honestly.]

I see no reason why I shouldn't, I suppose.

Living with humans for a quarter of a sweep and I still don't get how that is a thing.

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