usedshooshpap | 039 ♋ Voice

039 ♋ Voice

Oh my god... How can anyone want to stick around one place for longer than a few weeks when there's so much shit to get done? I've been settled in Vermillion for only about three weeks and I am already going absolutely shithive maggots. Maybe the best idea is to just blaze through those last few badges, I don't know. What I do know is that one way or another, I am getting the merry fuck on my way. Screw waiting for the weather warm up.

I think my Pichu is feeling it too because he's kind of sparking here and there. Is that normal? Like, my Ampharos when she was a Mareep had this problem, but what the shit do I do to avoid getting shocked this time around? It's not like I can just take care when brushing him! That and he thinks every damn thing is funny at the moment and it just sets him off! Right now it's a never ending spiral of shocking, what I think is giggling, and more shocking. Just make it stop, oh my god.

[ as if on cue, a little Pichu can be heard chiming in and an aggravated huff from a Zangoose. Karkat... he just groans. sighs... ]

Unrelated to all of the globetickling bulgehumps out there and my own trainer problems - which is to say that this message is only for those of my particular joint universes - where the blithering fuck is everyone? I just met up with Eridan a few days ago, but what about everyone else?

[ private to Rose ]

So um. There's a little bit of a problem.

I could ask Kanaya, but I thought... Uh...

[ /private ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ ... ]

Go fuck yourself.

Out of the two of us... At least I have a quadrantmate that could help comply with that demand.

And now I'm going to be the good best friend here and sit and wait until you're ready to talk about it, since Aradia is clearly not an option.

You suffer so much.

[He's practically growling.]

I don't want to talk about it.

I know you don't want to talk about it, but you are going to talk about it. First of all, because I say so. Second of all, who else is going to help you sort this shit out instead of sweeping it under the hoofmatt and letting it fester. There's no purpose for letting things get awkward and allowing them to be this chip on your shoulder.

And finally? I just want to help, okay? Is that so wrong?

[Silence. Silence for a long, long time.]

...Let it fester, I don't care...

[Almost all of the usual venom has been taken out of his voice. What should have been a grouse just sounds hollow.]

Yes you do, or else it wouldn't have bothered you so much.

[There's a wait before the next recording comes in. When it does, Sollux has changed location; he's now locked himself in what looks like a hotel room. Lights are pretty much off, except for one, and the rest of the place is empty. What comes out of his mouth over the course of this conversation is going to be... unattractive, he can tell already.]

Okay, it does! Fine. It does. It bothers me.

I'm just so pissed. If I were, fuck, say, a normal person, I'd be able to figure this out! [Oooh, I feel a self-deprecating rant coming on.]

[ oooohh.... Karkat rubs at his neck. shakes his head. ]

Dude, feelings are pretty damn hard. It took me forever to realize how I honestly felt about Terezi and by then? It was too fucking late. The fact that you haven't been able to figure this shit out, I think... I think it just means you're normal. Like anyone else.

Goddamn, Captor. We're like six and seven. Who has all of this crap really figured out at that age?

A lot of fuckin' people do! Nepeta and Equius do! They know exactly what their one, singular center of sentience and activity are doing and they've got it all damn fine. Fuck, even you do, and all you've got going for you is a bunch of shitty movies! But nope, not me. All I can do is flounder around uselessly in the presence of perfectly good, functional people until my wriggling sends me over a goddamn fucking cliff!

That's not even remotely true and you know it, Captor. Stop being an almighty imbecilic bulgestench for a moment, as hard as that will be.

Yes, I'm with Gamzee in a very pale way. But even I question the legitimacy of that at the present. For the majority of my stay here, Rose has been the one I would talk to to calm my shit or if I had a crisis, I'd call her up. And you know what? I'm fucking divided.

The same thing with Terezi. Granted, I'm mostly fine with the fact that it just wasn't meant to be, but I'm the lobeless dunderfuck that wanted her in all of his quadrants. Who the fuck does that, Sollux?

Me, that's who. You cannot get more twisted up than that.

[Sollux dedicates a moment to panting, because that was a lot of talk in not a lot of breaths. Once he gets ahold of his lungs again, he starts working on the rest of him; that fails, inevitably.]

Yeah, but you can sort it out. Like, you're actually physically capable.

I'm not.

Maybe, but how do I do that? I only discovered some of this shit from arguing with my own goddamn ghost. That's no way to deal with your issues.

Personally, I think you're perfectly capable of it yourself. Shit that would hinder you before no longer does, Sollux. Your mind is your own. What does that matter anyway? Even if you can't, you have people around you that are willing to help.

No, it's not my own.

Everyone's brain is already split in two, left and right, we know that. But the problem ain't my brain. It's my mind. That doesn't change with the body, KK, that doesn't change!

I meant that you don't have voices jumbling your cranium around. If there's ever the chance that you could potentially deal with your duality, it would be now. Here.

Though, like I've been saying... You don't have to do it alone, nookstench.

How the fuck am I supposed to get anyone's help on this? [Fixing a hard, hard stare on the Gear camera.]

You just ask. Think about it. Kanaya's here. Rose is here. Hell... I'm here.

Like any one of us wouldn't do anything less than drop what we're doing to help a friend out. Shit.

Yeah, I mean how.

As in what the fuck do I do.

[And then, realizing that sounded way too much like asking for help (which, incidentally, is exactly what it was), Sollux promptly takes a completely different direction to the question after a stilted moment of silence.]

It's my problem, not anyone else's. Unless they can jump into my brain and fix the circuitry like so many badly-plotted science fiction movies, I don't see what can be accomplished here.

Oh come off it. At the very least you wouldn't be alone to wallow in your own self inflicted misery.

[ and Karkat knows all about that. also knows that it kind of feels nice to have people he can fall back on when he needs them. ]

No, we can't fix your brain. Talking through all of the stuff might actually help. Rose can probably do her weird science crap and be more useful. Kanaya... Well we both know that Kanaya is a grade A meddler.

And me? I don't know. I just seem to have a knack for worming my way in and forcing you to actually open that maw of yours and move those mandibles around.

What have you got to lose, Captor?

The scattered and destitute remains of my pride?

Your pride already lives in a cardboard box on the streets, holding up signs as people pass by in hopes of gathering a few measly coins to make it through the day.

Yeah, we already established that, you shit.

[Just 'you shit'. That's all. He's not up to insult creation today.]

And mine's already crawled under the bridge and given up the charade, so just try.

Who the fuck is there even left to impress?

Me.

[He. Doesn't seem to realize how futile an effort this is.]

So your goddamn pride, or lack thereof, is more important than being able to figure your shit out. Okay, great. Now I know why we're fucking doomed.

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