usedshooshpap | 039 ♋ Voice

039 ♋ Voice

Oh my god... How can anyone want to stick around one place for longer than a few weeks when there's so much shit to get done? I've been settled in Vermillion for only about three weeks and I am already going absolutely shithive maggots. Maybe the best idea is to just blaze through those last few badges, I don't know. What I do know is that one way or another, I am getting the merry fuck on my way. Screw waiting for the weather warm up.

I think my Pichu is feeling it too because he's kind of sparking here and there. Is that normal? Like, my Ampharos when she was a Mareep had this problem, but what the shit do I do to avoid getting shocked this time around? It's not like I can just take care when brushing him! That and he thinks every damn thing is funny at the moment and it just sets him off! Right now it's a never ending spiral of shocking, what I think is giggling, and more shocking. Just make it stop, oh my god.

[ as if on cue, a little Pichu can be heard chiming in and an aggravated huff from a Zangoose. Karkat... he just groans. sighs... ]

Unrelated to all of the globetickling bulgehumps out there and my own trainer problems - which is to say that this message is only for those of my particular joint universes - where the blithering fuck is everyone? I just met up with Eridan a few days ago, but what about everyone else?

[ private to Rose ]

So um. There's a little bit of a problem.

I could ask Kanaya, but I thought... Uh...

[ /private ]

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You just ask. Think about it. Kanaya's here. Rose is here. Hell... I'm here.

Like any one of us wouldn't do anything less than drop what we're doing to help a friend out. Shit.

Yeah, I mean how.

As in what the fuck do I do.

[And then, realizing that sounded way too much like asking for help (which, incidentally, is exactly what it was), Sollux promptly takes a completely different direction to the question after a stilted moment of silence.]

It's my problem, not anyone else's. Unless they can jump into my brain and fix the circuitry like so many badly-plotted science fiction movies, I don't see what can be accomplished here.

Oh come off it. At the very least you wouldn't be alone to wallow in your own self inflicted misery.

[ and Karkat knows all about that. also knows that it kind of feels nice to have people he can fall back on when he needs them. ]

No, we can't fix your brain. Talking through all of the stuff might actually help. Rose can probably do her weird science crap and be more useful. Kanaya... Well we both know that Kanaya is a grade A meddler.

And me? I don't know. I just seem to have a knack for worming my way in and forcing you to actually open that maw of yours and move those mandibles around.

What have you got to lose, Captor?

The scattered and destitute remains of my pride?

Your pride already lives in a cardboard box on the streets, holding up signs as people pass by in hopes of gathering a few measly coins to make it through the day.

Yeah, we already established that, you shit.

[Just 'you shit'. That's all. He's not up to insult creation today.]

And mine's already crawled under the bridge and given up the charade, so just try.

Who the fuck is there even left to impress?

Me.

[He. Doesn't seem to realize how futile an effort this is.]

So your goddamn pride, or lack thereof, is more important than being able to figure your shit out. Okay, great. Now I know why we're fucking doomed.

Yeah. You got it. Great job.

Then I get to revoke your bitching rights. You can't talk shit about what you don't really want to fix.

What a grubfucking coward you are in the end.

No.

Please, tell me more things I already knew!

Maybe that I thought my best friend was better than this? I expect half of you wigglers to be better than me.

I didn't just do the goddamn leadership hoofbeast shit to try to show up everyone. Captor, I wanted all of you to accept me. To prove to myself and to all of you that I wasn't just some shit head, but a real goddamn troll.

[ in short: trying to gain all of your approval ratings. ]

So suck it up, cupcake. You've got shit to deal with, so deal with it. I tried to be somewhat sympathetic, as you are my best friend and I can related to the complexities that are trying to understand romantic inclinations... But if it takes my shoe up your waste chute, then goddamn it all I guess that's what I'll have to do.

That was a mistake. [You of all people should know how much of a pitiful failure he is, Karkat. And the beautiful thing is, it's not even a matter of wanting to fix it or not, either, it's just... well, can he do it himself? No. He can't. He's a hideous failure at seeing and repairing his own problems, and he is perfectly aware of this. But at the same time he doesn't want to accept help from anyone else for stupid, arbitrary reasons. Problems, contradictions, and holy hell, DUALIITY. Look at that.]

[He steeples his fingers, setting the Gear down in front of him. Dealing with it... yeah, hasn't he been trying that? Look how well it's worked out. So well.]

Fucking...

[Ohhh here it comes. Sollux's head lolls forward, so that his forehead rests on his fingers. He sighs.]

Fuck it all. Fuck it all, I don't know what to do. Oh, goddamn. Sollux Captor can't make a decision. That's breaking news right there...

Notice how I'm not teasing you for it, dumbass.

Okay. You know what? Fine. Fine.

[He sighs.]

KK, tell me what to do.

About Aradia or just in general?

Let's start with Aradia.

Maybe 'in general' will be less of a many-limbed tangle of horrorterror after that.

Okay...

[ Karkat pauses. figuring out how best to approach this. ]

Forget about what you want for the moment. You can't make up your mind what you want from her so let's start with this...

How do you feel about her. Go.

How do I-- ugh!

[Sollux is quiet for a while. You can't just throw a question like that on a guy, Karkat, so not cool.]

AA is... well. We've been friends for, like, ever. I think she's my oldest, actually. And she's never been anything but, like... great? Just a great troll/human being all around. Way fuckin' better than me. And she... well, she's putting up with me now. She never had to before, because when I talked to her and she was alive, I wasn't as much of a massive dick to everyone ever. You don't count, I was always a dick to you. And so all she really saw of my bad sides was where I was just... having a moment. And the wath kind of. Dead. [His lisp is getting worse.] After I thent out the game and everything went to thit. Tho the really didn't put up with anyone. But we thtill talked then, and it wath fucking horrible to thee her tho... I don't want to thay tho dead, but that'h what it wath. AA wath mitherable, more mitherable than me even [wow dude control your mouth] and we kept talking and now the feelth better becauthe the hath her life back! And that'h great! But I don't, I'm thtill goddamn thitty old Tholluckth grouthing about the end of the world even though the world ith kind of already gone, and now I've fucked her all up again, oh my god--

[He just cuts the recording now, predicting more embarrassment from both the things coming out of his mouth and what his mouth is doing to them. Hopefully by the time Karkat responds he'll be able to speak normally again.]

Dude, calm down or I won't tell you what I think about the situation just from that ranting snippet I got.

[UUUUGH]

...Fine.

Go.

[Careful to not use any words with S sounds in them.]

Captor, it honestly sounds like you have a serious flush crush going on. And really? Who could blame you, considering the situation.

The real problem is, you don't think you're good enough. Don't deserve it.

What'h that thuppothed to mean? 'The thituation'?

[He's not acknowledging the second part, because both of them know it's true, and Sollux doesn't have the energy to deny it like he did in times gone by.]

Her metamorphosis? Being in this universe in general? I'm saying that you guys are spending a lot of time together. It's only natural for those feelings to develop?

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