usedshooshpap | 030 ♋ Text

ROSE HAD HER MEMO LAST NIGHT AND I GUESS NOW IT'S MY TURN.
THOUGH DON'T EXPECT FUN AND GAMES HERE.
IT'S JUST THE CONTINUED RAMBLINGS OF A TROLL KID THAT STILL IS STUCK IN PINK, FLESHY ATTIRE.
PROCEED AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.
YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING WARNED.

IN ANOTHER DAY OR SO, I WILL OFFICIALLY HAVE STARTED THIS CRAZY GODDAMN ADVENTURE ABOUT A YEAR AGO.
FOR HUMANS, I SUPPOSE THAT IS A LONG TIME
BUT FOR TROLLS, THAT'S ONLY REALLY THE EQUIVALENT TO ABOUT HALF OF ONE OF OUR "YEARS."
THERE IS YOUR TROLL SOCIETY FACTOID FOR THE DAY. SAVOR IT.
ANYWAY, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE OTHERS THAT HAVE BEEN HERE FOR THAT LONG.
FOR WE TROLLS, I THINK IT'S JUST VRISKA AT THIS POINT.
I DON'T KNOW
I'M JUST LOOKING BACK AT THIS LAST YEAR AND THINKING THAT FUCK, THINGS ARE REALLY DIFFERENT.
STRIDER POINTED OUT THE OTHER NIGHT THAT I'VE CHANGED.
ERIDAN DID THE SAME THING, BUT AS A MEANS TO GET UNDER MY FUCKING HUSK LIKE A BARB.
IT'S DEFINITELY TRUE, BUT ANYMORE I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S BECAUSE OF THE TIME I'VE SPENT HERE
OR IF IT'S REALLY JUST A COMBINATION OF THE HOOFBEAST EXCREMENT THAT SERVES AS MY LIFE AT "HOME" AND MY "JOHTO JOURNEY."
CIRCUMSTANCES THERE AND HERE ARE SO FUCKING DIFFERENT THAT THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE PARTED BY A VAST SEA THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO CROSS.
BACK ON THE METEOR, I HAD TAKEN TO TALKING TO MY OWN GODDAMN SELF LIKE A WIGGLER BECAUSE PAST ME WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT REALLY LISTENED TO MY CONSTANTLY RUNNING VITRIOL.
THAT HASN'T REALLY BEEN THE CASE HERE, EVEN WITHOUT MY MOIRAIL AND I'M LEFT WONDERING HOW MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE THAT REALLY MAKES.
I ADMIT, I'VE HAD SOME PRETTY ALL RIGHT PEOPLE TO TALK ME THROUGH SHIT.
KIMBLEE, ROSE, AND VANITAS HAVE ALL BEEN AROUND TO LISTEN TO ME WHEN I REALLY NEEDED IT.
THIS IS GETTING SAPPY AND WHATEVER, BUT FUCK IT.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR A WHILE AND JUST NEED TO GET IT OUT OF MY GODDAMN SYSTEM AND THIS IS THE CLOSEST MEANS TO
BECAUSE LIKE HELL I'M GOING TO GO OUT TO EVERY INDIVIDUAL AND SAY "HEY, THANKS FOR BEING NOT AS MUCH OF A LOSER AS YOU COULD HAVE BEEN."
SERIOUSLY, I KNOW WHAT I'M LIKE.
KARKAT VANTAS IS A RAGING DICK AT TIMES AND I'M NOT SO MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE THAT I CAN'T ADMIT IT.
SO TO THE MORONS OUT THERE THAT HAVE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH ME AND MY MOUTH (BECAUSE SOME OF YOU ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT LANGUAGE AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THAT IS EVEN A THING TO BE CONCERNED WITH), I GUESS I OWE A BIT OF THANKS TO AS WELL.
YES, YOU CAN PICK YOUR JAWS UP OFF OF THE FUCKING GROUND, TO ANYONE STILL PERUSING THIS WALL OF "ANGRY" GRAY.
I AM THANKING PEOPLE AND I ACTUALLY AM BEING SINCERE ABOUT IT.
SHOCKING, RIGHT!? O:B
BACK TO THE ORIGINAL POINT. YEAH, I THINK I'M DIFFERENT NOW THAN A YEAR AGO.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING A HUMAN OVER BEING A TROLL
OR EVEN BEING A MUTANT TROLL.
IT'S BECAUSE SOME OF YOU ASSHOLES OUT THERE ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN AND THAT CONCEPT JUST ABSOLUTELY JUST BLOWS MY THINK PAN OUT OF THE METAPHORICAL WATER.
HOW DOES LIFE EVEN REALLY WORK, WHERE SHIT JUST CHANGES AND YOU'RE SITTING THERE WITH THIS GAPING EXPRESSION, STARING OFF IN THE DISTANCE, WONDERING HOW YOU EVEN GOT TO THIS POINT.
HONESTLY? IT'S SCARY.
AT THE START OF THIS "ADVENTURE," ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GET THE BADGES BECAUSE THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE GAME AND WINNING THE GAME WOULD SURELY PUT ME BACK TO WHERE I BELONG.
NOW?
I'M HONESTLY AT THE POINT WHERE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE POINT OF EVEN RETURNING IS.
FUCK IT ALL, I'M *CONTENT* AND IT'S REALLY STARTING TO FREAK ME THE FUCK OUT
AS I DON'T EVEN REALLY REMEMBER A TIME WHERE I *WAS* SOMETHING SO ABSURD AS CONTENT.
ONCE AGAIN, I REITERATE HOW FRIGHTENING THAT REALLY IS.
AM I, EVENTUALLY, GOING TO TURN INTO SOMEONE THAT I DON'T EVEN FUCKING RECOGNIZE?
WILL IT EVEN BE A GOOD THING?
AT LEAST IN THE VEIL, I COULD TALK TO MY FUTURE OR PAST SELVES.
GRANTED, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT THE FUCK FUTURE KARKAT WAS EVEN ON WHEN HE STARTED TO BE A PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLE.
YET THERE WAS STILL SOME SECURITY IN AT LEAST KNOWING WHAT I WILL BE LIKE IN THE FOLLOWING HOURS, DAYS, AND WHATNOT STILL TO COME.
HERE? THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.
THERE'S NO WAY OF KNOWING WHAT MY FUTURE GRUBFUCKING SELF WILL EVEN BE LIKE.
WOW.
THIS GOT A LITTLE BIT AWAY FROM ME.
I DON'T EVEN REALLY RECALL WHAT I WANTED TO ORIGINALLY SAY ANYWAY.
ONCE MY FINGERS STARTED TO PRESS BUTTONS, THAT WAS ALL THAT SHE FUCKING WROTE.
NO CONTROL OVER WHAT I STARTED TO TYPE OR HOW COHERENT IT SOUNDS, NOPE.
THIS HAS BEEN KARKAT VANTAS, MAKING A COMPLETE FOOL OF HIMSELF.
HE IS NOW GOING TO FIND THE CLOSEST CAVE AND CRAWL IN IT TO DIE OF HUMILIATION
OR MAYBE JUST GO COMATOSE FROM HUMILIATION SINCE DEATH ISN'T A THING HERE.

030 ♋ Text

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